Not everyone needs to be a LinkedIn blackbelt super-ninja, able to slice and dice profiles, groups, and apps with the efficiency of a Top Chef and the flair and attention-grabbing panache of a Lady Gaga PR event. Those that wish to give it a whirl, however, would be well advised to at least attempt to follow the following ten best tips for making your LinkedIn efforts more successful:


10. Social media is for humans, not robots. No matter how much science has advanced, they have not built truly engaging personalities into robots yet. C3P0 and R2D2 are not rocking blogs on WordPress, and they haven’t filled out their profiles, so if you are not filling one out for a Human, don’t fill one out for a robot either.

9. Spam is popular as a sandwich meat in Hawaii – to the rest of the world it refers to that trashy garbage we have to wade through to get to what we want to see on our computers. E-mailing your contacts to see if they are interested in having a conversation with you is not spam. Sending them unsolicited offers, on the other hand, usually is.

8. If your profile is as full of white space as a ghost, then don’t be surprised when the response to your connection requests amounts to a hollow moaning and groaning of a few trickles of people who basically have no other choice, or don’t really care. Ghost-hood could explain why your profile activity is dead.

7. I don’t care what language you write your profile in, just make sure that it is correctly written in that language. It’s not a great selling point to prospects to know that you are not even fluent in your own language.

6. Just exactly what kind of business relationship do you think I want to have with you if you happen to be a business with controversial social standing? Remember this is a social network – if the world is going to play Whack-a-Mole with your business, at least give me a good reason to be one of the popping heads next to you before you ask me to get smacked by association.

5. CAPITALS are a Washington, D.C. based hockey team, not a form of constant expression. I support your right to your individuality of expression… just do it over there, please. A few more steps back. In front of the window there. One big jump backwards…there you go. Thank you, come again. Defenestration… it’s what’s for dinner.

4. Make like a weed and grow. You may feel confident that your network of 17 people is all you need to connect with on LinkedIn, but if you only work with 17 people, I probably don’t need your network that badly, or they had better be the most amazing 17 people I’ve ever met. A contact base that never grows tells me you’re not on this site to do business; you’re on this site because someone told you to be here. You’re not using it, so why should I use it to refer business to you? Grow your network so it’s always a little more useful and you’ll find that the people who connect to you will be a little more useful to you in turn.

3. If the words ‘WORK AT HOME JOB’, “Get In On The Ground Floor”, or ‘A Can’t Miss Opportunity’  in the title of the message you are thinking about sending, may I suggest something first? Don’t. Don’t send it. Even if that’s what you have, don’t do it. I guarantee no one wants to read about what you are offering.  You’re probably one of those people who brings a bus load of screaming infants hopped up on candy and caffeine to a scary movie too, aren’t you? Where’s my Holy Water and garlic

2. Stop telling me what you want to sell; show me what I want to buy. If you aren’t offering what I’m buying save us both some time and leave me alone.

1. . Do what no Zombie can – use your brain and give us something USEFUL. The more useful you are, I guarantee the more ROI your social media and LinkedIn in particular, will produce for you.

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